Domestic Violence Survivors' New Years Goals for 2021

Happy New Year!

If you would rather watch/listen than read, you can watch the video below.

I cannot believe that it's already 2021! It seemed like, at the beginning of 2020, it was going to take forever and now that it's done it's like, “Wow that was kind of fast.” Although I know it wasn't fast for everybody.

I feel like I'm one of the lucky ones. We haven't been super closed down. We haven't been sick. I've known plenty of people that have been sick. I know that I'm fortunate, but just a crazy year right!

I spent a little bit of time earlier writing to myself. I was listening to Sunny Lenarduzzi the other day and she was talking about how every year, at the end of the year, she writes a letter to herself for the next year. Then she opens that letter up on New Year's Eve the following year. She writes about all the things she will accomplish that year as if she has already done it. So she's like "You did X and Y this year".

It's pretty cool to sort of plan those things out in your own mind before the year starts. Then it's neat to look back on it at the end of the year to and see what you were able to accomplish and what you weren't.

I got to listen to her read her 2020 letter. It was comical. It was like "You're going to travel a whole bunch" and obviously Covid-19 changed those plans. So that part of her letter wasn't even remotely what happened, but she was able to realize some of her other plans for 2020 and I think that's pretty cool.

I did not get that far with mine yet. So far, I'm just working on writing to myself a little bit about my 2020. I realized that as bad as 2020 was (in a lot of ways), I was blessed in a lot of ways and it would be easy to miss that. You know? Especially for me. I'm really busy and I'm going all the time. I don't take time to stop and process much of anything. My life is still very crisis centered and there's always stuff. There are always fires that I need to put out and I don't take a whole lot of time to go, “Okay I did this. I experienced this``.

For example, this year my youngest turned 13 years old. So now I'm officially a mother of just teenagers, which is crazy! And my business celebrated 10 years of being in operation. That's huge for a business! Like 95% of businesses fail in the first 10 years. So I have been working towards hitting that mark for at least the last four years or so, when I realized that I might be able to make that. I might be able to surpass that 95%. So I wanted to make sure that I take stock.

Anyway, if you don't already write a letter to yourself, maybe that's a new tradition to start with this year. Think about what you want for yourself

this year and then go a little bit past that. I mean, first, think about any and everything that you want for yourself. Let yourself dream for a little bit. I've noticed, when we're living in survival mode, we don't get to dream. That's not, it's not even on your radar, right? Because all you can focus on is surviving. So if you can, take a minute and allow yourself to dream.

What would you want for this year? Then think about what you can do to

achieve it. Start small first if you have to, especially when we're enduring abuse.

It's really important to have victories. All humans need to win. It's okay if they're small. Just build some victories into your life. Examples:

- Today I successfully washed the dishes.

- Today I accomplished color coordinating my closet. (My best friend will love that I threw that in there just for her.)

- Today ____________ (fill in the blank).

When you can do a little bit of that, get a little bit of victory for yourself, then the bigger things seem more possible. It seems more possible because you've given yourself a little bit of cushion and confidence. Like "Okay, if I can handle those, I can handle this. And then, if I can handle this, maybe this is possible." The sky's the limit! It really and truly is. But you gotta believe it first.

So start where you're at. That's where we all have to start.

Thanks for reading!

I'll continue to do my part to keep you safe by putting out intimate partner violence related content. If you haven't already, drop by my YouTube channel. I'm putting out weekly videos there.

Until I see you again...

Stay safe!