Welcome back! If you would rather watch/listen than read, you can watch the video below.
In the last article, we talked about 4 techniques of gaslighting. If you haven't seen that yet, you can do so HERE. In this article, as you might have guessed by the name, we're going to talk about 11 signs that you might be a victim of gaslighting.
Let's start by defining gaslighting.
Gaslighting happens when someone who wants control tells us that what we believe is wrong. If it goes on long enough, we eventually stop believing that what we think, feel and perceive is right. Gaslighting is a psychological manipulation that sows seeds of doubt into a person making them question their memory, perceptions, and sanity. It is psychological manipulation, used to control another person.
I can't talk about gaslighting without also talking about intuition. So, let's do that...
Your intuition is the internal warning system that lets you know that something is wrong. And gaslighting is its biggest enemy.
So the point of gaslighting is to take out your internal warning system, whose purpose is to protect you. It's like taking down your defense system, and if your defenses are down, the enemy can come into your camp and can do all kinds of messed up things inside.
Today we're going to look at 11 things that are signs that you have been gaslighted. (So what we're really going to look at is what kind of things the enemy can make happen if they get past your defense system.) I will list them first and then we'll talk about them. Are you ready?
1. You frequently second guess yourself.
2. You often wonder if you're too sensitive.
3. You feel confused or crazy much of the time.
4. You can't understand why with all of the good things in your life
you aren't happier.
5. You often have to make excuses for your partner's behavior.
6. You know that something is wrong but you just can't put your finger on what it is.
7. You've started lying to this person to avoid the put-downs and the
reality twists.
8. You have trouble making simple decisions.
9. You know that you used to be a different person more confident fun-loving and relaxed before this person came into your life.
10. You feel hopeless.
11. You feel like you can't do anything right.
1. You frequently second guess yourself because you've been told over and over again that you can't make good decisions. So now, you're like "I don't know. I mean, this is what I think, but what I think is wrong often so maybe it should be this. I don't know."
If #8 blends in with #1, you have trouble making simple decisions. After all, you're second-guessing yourself all of the time because you've been told that you don't know anything...
- You don't know how you think and feel.
- You don't know how to make good choices.
- You don't know that this person is good or bad.
- You don't know how to shop properly.
- You don't know how to dress properly.
- You don't know how to interact with people the right way.
- You always say something wrong or do something wrong.
You know this because you've been told this, lots of times.
2. You often wonder if you're too sensitive because you're told that you are too sensitive. That's sort of a coping strategy for them. Often it's them trying to take the focus off of what they did and putting it on you, making you the bad guy.
3. You feel confused or crazy much of the time... That goes back to them questioning your ability to think and make decisions. They're questioning your intuition. You think that you're crazy because according to them, nothing is what it seems, but it really is. They just keep telling you that it's not.
4. You can't understand why, with so many good things in your life, you are not happier because the enemy is in your camp and that is on your radar. Your intuition is letting you know that something is wrong. You may not need to fully understand it, but you should pay attention to it.
5. I feel like you often having to make excuses for your partner's behavior is self explanatory. Let me know if it isn't.
6. You know that something is wrong but you just can't put your finger on what it is. This is literally just your intuition, your warning system, letting you know that there is a problem.
7. You've started lying to this person to avoid the put-downs and the
reality twists. - I feel like this is pretty easy to understand as well. Again, let me know if it isn't.
8. (listed above)
9. You know that you used to be a different person before, but this person in your life is wearing you down. (They're called a toxic person when they are having such a negative, draining effect on you.) Now, they can accuse you of things all of the time. They can demand things of you all of the time. They can downplay what you feel. They downplay your needs...and over time, that makes a big difference. That's what #9 is talking about.
10. You feel hopeless because this person is telling you that everything you do is wrong. Where's the hope in that? All day, every day, you get told that you're a problem. You're told that you're doing everything wrong, that you can't think for yourself, that your feelings are wrong, that your memory is wrong.
Where does your hope come from? It can't be in people, especially if the main people in your life are poison! My hope is in Jesus. That takes it out of the people realm, but even if that's not the case for you, it's very difficult to have hope in a situation like this. It's even difficult for me to have hope with toxic people in my life and my hope isn't even in them!
Gaslighting is highly effective for most human beings. If you have been gaslighted for a period of time, is it any wonder that you feel bad about yourself?
If you found that you can relate to things on this list, it's a good idea for you to be looking at the people and relationships in your life. Are they:
- building into you?
- edifying you?
- building you up?
- supporting you?
- loving you?
or are they tearing you down?
You have a right to be safe! Yes, that means physically safe, but it also means mentally and emotionally safe. You have a right to be loved - to feel loved, to give love, and to receive love.
If there are people in your life that are not allowing you to be safe emotionally/mentally, then gaslighting is likely a factor. It's okay to push those people back to create boundaries. It's also ok to cut them out of your life entirely.
For right now, if you can relate to some of the signs I've listed, recognize that your warning system is going off. The effects are real. You're not crazy. These things are important to look at and think about.
The people that are closest to you in your life are going to affect you the most. So, if those people aren't affecting you in a good way maybe you need to take stock and make some changes. Healthy boundaries are good.
Thanks for reading!
Until I see you again,
...stay safe.
