This morning I am angry. I'm angry more often than I will share, but today I'm going to. The injustices that abuse victims have to tolerate are many and ridiculously unfair. Last night I was looking through my phone at screen shots I had taken about my stalker being obsessed with anger at me and wanting to hurt me.
This morning as I was driving to pay a bill I came upon him on the road. I stayed back far enough that he hopefully wouldn't notice me. I had to do the same thing a couple of weeks ago while calling the police because he had come past my house, which he was told by a judge that he cannot do. It makes me angry that I have to hide from him in public. It makes me angry that I have to change the locks on my house and put up security cameras so that we can catch him stalking and/or attempting to break in. It makes me angry that we can kill a dog if it bites a person one time, but for stalkers and domestic violence we have to allow them to perpetrate over and over again to establish a pattern of behavior before we can attempt to get any justice. It makes me angry that I have to call the police every time, so that they can come and talk to me like I'm an over-paranoid idiot, so that I can establish a record and build my own stalking case.
It makes me angry that a little girl I know was sexually assaulted by someone she knows and she has been self-harming at like 8 years old to deal with anxiety. Part of her anxiety is the very real possibility of running into her attacker when they're in War-Mart. (This has already happened a couple of times.). So her mom, trying to take care of her, was making plans to move away so that she isn't subjected to him, but she was told that if she does that the case will be dropped. It's not like they couldn't be here for court. No. That little girl has to experience what many of us bigger girls have to - you have to endure abuse, then endure the crazy stress of the court prep and process, then endure the lack of justice we will receive, and then either continue to co-exist with your abuser or uproot your life and move, because they have every right to continue with theirs as if you never existed!
I have seen this garbage play out in my own life and in the lives of others soooooooooooo many times. It makes me sick! Whether it is abusive parents getting their kids back, abusive spouses kidnapping the kids to hurt their spouse, the examples I listed above, the girl who tried to kill herself the other night...
My heart breaks at all of the injustice. I guess that's what I need to say. If you are hurting, you are not alone.
